Don't you send me to vm
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
