i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She told me I should be a condom model.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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