I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
