Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
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Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
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Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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