Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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