Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
