Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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