Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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