Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
