remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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