Screwed.edu
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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