billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
