when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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