Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
