I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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