I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
