he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
