It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
