question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
