Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
