i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
