in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
