I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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