**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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