Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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