We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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