I feel great
I just peed on a car
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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