Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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