so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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