ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
