Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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