I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
