My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
