she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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