Jerry, you need to find god
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
