Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
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I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
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Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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