Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
