i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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