i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
