I am puke
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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