you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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