My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
