end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
