We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
