I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
