So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
