I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
