i think i have two assholes
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
as a side note pls kill me
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
