You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I intend to get homeless drunk
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
