the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
