Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
