My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
