so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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