you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
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