is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
