i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
