wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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