Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
