I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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