Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
