Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Damn victory sex feels great
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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