I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
