I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
