the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
