I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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