whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
