bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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