When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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