I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
