I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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