i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
