fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
