youre lurking in front of me
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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