Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
