That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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