I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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