Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
