so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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