every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
