my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
