So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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