the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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