It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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