I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
do herpes really smell.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
