Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
YAS. BRING CRAB.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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