I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
